MY PREGNANCY EXPERIENCE (Valentine Special)

www.adrianpastol.com

It is the day of love or rather, a day for lovers; February 14^th, better and universally known as St. Valentines’ day, everyone was in high spirits and wearing a huge smile, especially the girls, this was the first thing I noticed when I stepped out of my house this morning, and as I entered the school premises I could feel the atmosphere grow, probably because the girls, especially the seniors were expecting gifts from friends most especially those with boyfriends and the guys, well I wasn’t sure if they were all happy or what they were expecting.

This joy did not include me, for me this was a day of great pain, for me this was the genesis of my problems, the origin of the world stereotyping me a failure, a disappointment, a disgrace… I can probably go on but I will only end up getting you more confused.

It was lunch break and I had walked to one of the school café to get some snacks with a bottle of mineral and I had been sitting here for about five minutes when he walked up to me. I was lost in my own thoughts of how my near perfect world had turned upside down with-in a year. I remembered, it was about a month before valentine last year when he approached me, Michael was one of the most handsome guy in my area if not the most –I knew he was to me, he had asked me to be his girlfriend and although I was shy, I was not going to say no. our romance was sweet and the day he asked me to be his valentine, in my vision could be compared to prince William asking Kate to marry him. I was in heaven, so when he told me what he wanted for valentine, it only increased my excitement. All my friends had already done it and I could not wait to tell my own experience.

He took my virginity that evening, and although I was told about the pain and its sweetness, I was not told I could feel empty later, that was exactly a year ago. Lost in the joy and pleasure of sweet sex, we did it every chance we got, then it happened. When I told him I was pregnant, it was like a dream turn nightmare. I never knew love could disappear as quickly as it had appeared. He denied me completely, now, did I mention that he was five years older than me and I was only sixteen, it was third term in class five but he was already in the university, one of the things that gave spark to my crush, for not many secondary (High) school girls had an undergraduate boyfriend.

I was in a state of complete confusion and did not know what to do, one of my crazy friends suggested an abortion but I was not going to do it, not just because I was scared but also because I believe it to be murder, and that was a road I was not going to walk.

I could not tell my mom because I did not know how to face my dad, but she was an African mother. So when she called me that night, and sat me down, I had begun to cry before she even asked the question. I was given the beaten of my life that night and when my drunk father came back home, it was round two for me.

That was the beginning of a new life for me and in all honesty, I never knew this life existed. My father stopped providing money for anything that concerned me and since I could not produce the boy responsible who had suddenly disappeared, it only made matters worse. My mom, who although kept providing and took care of me did not let go of any chance to tell me how much of a failure and disgrace I was to the family, I don’t know where I got the strength from but I was determined to finish my schooling.

When it became public that I was pregnant, it was like the star had suddenly fallen, my friends put me out of their circle, saying they were ashamed to walk with me and that I was not smart enough to know what to do. I usually did not go a day without having a boy approach me, but not anymore, they all walked passed me now and I could tell I was the topic of every group. My pain knew no bounds, but the worse I felt was when I over-heard my favourite teacher talking with some others in the staff room, they called me a disappointment, they said I was good-for-nothing and they did not know why I still came to school, tears flowed down my eyes when my favourite called me a no-good-pretender.

I am now six months pregnant and in class six, my only support and the one person that encourages me is my pastor. I was never really sure why, but my only explanation is that he is a man of God and has no other choice; I had already been suspended, and it took his intervention to get me back to school. Although my father had calmed down, he still pays me no attention, my friends –sorry, I mean those I thought were my friends are still very far from me and sometimes am not sure if we were ever friends or if it was just my imagination.

So now I look around me on my one year anniversary and I wonder who is next.

“Where are you?” he said, bringing me back to reality, “am sorry, what do you mean?” I asked, “You are here, but your mind is far away” –Oh! Am sorry” was all I could reply –“you don’t have to apologise to me, you did nothing.” He was right, I had grown timid over time, and apologising at every turn, weather it was needed or not.

He sat down beside me and smiled, that type of smile was one I had not felt in a long time, it was genuine. I was very surprise too that he could come sit close to me, let alone talk or smile at me.

“May I ask you why?” –“Why what?” I replied, “Why did you choose to keep it, I mean the pregnancy?”

-No one had ever asked me that before, not my father who no longer talks to me, not my mother who feels I have now become a burden, not my siblings, although nothing really changed between us; not my teachers, the greatest pretenders I know, not my boyfriend and father of my coming baby, whom I had not heard from since he left, not even my pastor and only friend. But here, a boy I am not sure I even know his name, although I know he had tried to be my friend back when I was still a star in my own world, and I was not sure what to answer.

He must have noticed I was getting lost again, and broke the silence, “never mind, happy valentine” he said and I gave him a fake smile, he gave me the black nylon bag he was holding which I never really noticed till now. Surprised, I opened it and saw a wrapped box inside, I picked out the envelope that accompanied it and brought out the card, it was customised, and read

To the Perfect valentine,

You are exceptional and special, you are unique, we may not be close in that way but I still wish we could be friends.

Happy Valentine

Beautiful Sara

I looked up with tears in my eyes, he smiled at me and said, “Not every girl can do what you did, keeping that baby makes you courageous and strong; It show how beautiful you are, not just on the outside, I want you to know that some of us admire you for it, I guess I will see you later” he got up and left.

I said nothing, not even a thank you, I was too shocked to speak, I was breaking down inside, tears freely flowing and for the first time in six months, I felt proud.