Are single women always irresponsible?

Are single women always irresponsible?

Marriage as a criterion for being responsible

Now this is a notion long sold to us especially here in African, that all single women (especially those at 30yrs and above) are irresponsible.  I think a woman’s relationship status should not define her, so being single is not a disease or an indication that there is something “wrong” with her.

Let me first clear the air, this article is not meant to list a bunch of reasons why single women shouldn’t be seen as the irresponsible ones, but rather to expose some of the realities single women face; and give out possible solutions to reducing the possibilities of being single for a long time.

Let’s analyse just five vital points that makes this worth discussing.

MARRIAGE MAKES ONE RESPONSIBLE:

This is a well sold African ideology that so many homes, churches, etc; have also come to hold strongly that being married totally makes you responsible and the single woman, (drawing out a notion that points to the ones “over-aged” as they may put it) are not in any way responsible because of the one fact that they are still single. It is a very big NO. I know a lot of single but highly responsible women around me, many that can even be said to be more responsible than some married women I know.  They dress better with more modesty, mingle more carefully and the list goes on. Some of these women are still single not because they don’t know how to mingle but rather because they want to plan better. They want a secured future and not trial-n-error system. They are trying to have a beautiful life-time marriage, in other words being extra ordinarily careful not to have a broken marriage may lead to longer waiting-period in single life. Just like the saying “it is better to have a broken relationship than to have a broken marriage”.

MARRIAGE MATERIAL:

Sometimes I wonder if it’s a piece of cloth been valued but let’s go with it for analysis sake. Yes, not all married women have the qualities of an idea wife, yet we say only single women, are the ones that are disqualified for marriage. Most married homes today are divided due to the fact that the said married woman cannot play her role as wife and many more. Is it that the man did not see it before the wedding or would we rather say she changed in the long run? Men marry for various reasons ranging from fame, culture, traditional responsibility, physical appearance etc; and in most cases, character is often considered last. 

CULTURE AND TRADITION:

Africa is a place where culture is being honoured. Culture of various ethnic groups have left women today not married because most traditional demands they find themselves fixed-in, are not favourable to them. Culture increases the expectations from the woman, in this sense leaving them unmarried. It’s just them being caught in the middle of cultural differences. It is not enough reason to say they are irresponsible.

PERIL OF FINANCIALLY SUCCESSFUL WOMEN:

Men often feel intimidated and threatened when a lady is more successful than them both mentally and financially, and this leaves a thought in them that the lady would deny them of their duty and make them feel less of a man. Every man has this ego in them and feels superior around every lady. When there are too many success-trend on the ladies path, that might either make them feel worthless or less of a man. Most men feel when a lady takes up the responsibilities that are meant to be theirs, it would definitely lead to a “slap on his face” some day. So men seeing this never settle for the smart successful ladies, but rather settle for the one below their standard in order to protect their self esteem. Too much success-trend on a women’s path is not a criterion of being irresponsible.

OPTIONS AND CHOICES:

As humans we have options we choose from, if among our options we don’t get anything suitable to us making a choice out of them becomes a problem. But as Christian single women we are meant to invite God when it comes to taking a decision of who to choose,  for who we want might not necessarily be who we need. Putting God first into our relationship is very important, because when we do this it totally reduces the possibility of having a broken marriage and develops our faith in God. But at last, even when a woman is précised on the kind of man she want for a husband, it’s not a room to saying she is irresponsible because she is not married.

In conclusion, we need to see marriage as ordained from heaven, and our partners are not commodities we purchase from a store. We must see it as something we must respect and cherish. We should also learn to respect the single woman, and not condemn them; for Jesus Christ never condemned any one for their marital status but rather he received them and makes them not have the feeling of being rejected. I believe every woman have their ordained partner they wait upon, allowing Christ into their decision and waiting on the lord for a divine husband. We should all respect the idea of marriage and be careful of the decisions we make in order to reduce the rate of divorce in Africa.

So single women, you are encouraged to draw closer to God for He alone is the key to your true happiness and not what people think of you.

Cheers!!!

Princess Esther (My thoughts on paper)