ANGER IN RELATIONSHIP 3
Have you read the earlier parts of this writing, see links now.
Since
anger can be the mortal enemy of love, it is important to develop the
skills for both regulating and expressing it. Though they overlap, you
need to focus both on your thinking and action skills for managing anger.
In a loving relationship the best way to handle
unnecessary anger is to prevent it. Your use of thinking skills may help
you avoid " laying your trips" on your partner. Furthermore,
how you
think can support your talking positive, as well as avoiding negative
actions when angry.
Try to make sense of the list below:
THINKING SKILLS
- Taking responsibility is your anger
- Realistic personal rules
- Perceiving provocations differently
- Coping self - talk
- Using visualization
ACTIONS SKILLS
- Assertion skills
- Expressing anger
- Requesting behavior
- Changes
- Handling aggressive criticism
- Relaxing yourself
- Managing stress
- Helping each other.
Alright, let me break it down a little.
THINKING SKILLS
Paraphrasing
Shakespeare: Love's best habit is a soothing mind. A soothing mind is
the precondition for a soothing tongue. There are many occasions when
you can exhibit your love by disciplining your thinking so that you
either prevent, do not express, or dilute your expression or anger.
On one hand, you can choose to think yourself into hatred,
aggressive blaming, nursing resentments, wanting to cause psychological
pain and acting violently.
On the other hand, you can choose to think yourself into a calmer and more problem solving state of mind.
On the other hand, you can choose to think yourself into a calmer and more problem solving state of mind.
Owing responsibility for your anger -:
Anger is a complex
emotion. For instance, it gets combined with other emotions such as
hurt, jealousy, anxiety, low self-esteem, powerlessness, frustration,
irritability and depression. Owing responsibility for your anger
feelings is a starting point for working on them. There are many reasons
why you may be reluctant to own your anger and its related feelings.
For example, you may have learned that it is not feminine to be angry or
that it is not masculine to admit to feeling hurt and vulnerable.
Furthermore, your anger feelings may have been of such strength that you
found it easier to repress them rather than face the consequences of
acknowledging and acting on them. Additionally, your religion and
culture may have taught you that being angry was wrong.
Currently you
may possess skills or weaknesses that block you from being fully aware of and
owning to your anger.
These include the following -:
Deficient inner listening skills
You may be poor at becoming aware that you are angry. Your anger feelings may go either unacknowledged. Your body may experience anger through heightened blood pressure, tension, ulcers and insomnia. However, you may be deficient in understanding the meaning of those physical reactions .
You may be poor at becoming aware that you are angry. Your anger feelings may go either unacknowledged. Your body may experience anger through heightened blood pressure, tension, ulcers and insomnia. However, you may be deficient in understanding the meaning of those physical reactions .
Faulty use of language
The way you use language may distance you from owning responsibility for "angering" yourself (Glasser, 1984). For example, you may say 'He/She/it/they make(s) me angry'. The cause of your angry feelings is located outside yourself. Additionally, you may use phrases like, I had no choice but to be angry.
The way you use language may distance you from owning responsibility for "angering" yourself (Glasser, 1984). For example, you may say 'He/She/it/they make(s) me angry'. The cause of your angry feelings is located outside yourself. Additionally, you may use phrases like, I had no choice but to be angry.
Unrealistic personal rule
You may have some personal rules that make it difficult for you to acknowledge your anger: for example, women shouldn't get angry or Christians should not get angry.
You may have some personal rules that make it difficult for you to acknowledge your anger: for example, women shouldn't get angry or Christians should not get angry.
Defensive process
You may have ways of handling your anxiety that avoid assuming responsibility for acknowledging and managing their consequences. These defensive processes include the following
You may have ways of handling your anxiety that avoid assuming responsibility for acknowledging and managing their consequences. These defensive processes include the following
* Denial - For
instance, either hating someone and not being prepared to acknowledge
this or being unwilling to realize the consequences for someone of
either your psychological or physical violence.
* Projection - Hating someone, yet making out that they hate you.
* Reacting Formations - Forming reactions that is opposite from what you really feel.
* Defensive lying - Making up stories about yourself and others intended to have the outcome of making you seem in the right and the other person seeming the wrong. Giving way to the Nelson - Jones reality principle: "if you can't accept reality, create it!" Defensive lying differs from deliberate lying, in that you believe the distortions of reality entailed in your dishonesty.
* Projection - Hating someone, yet making out that they hate you.
* Reacting Formations - Forming reactions that is opposite from what you really feel.
* Defensive lying - Making up stories about yourself and others intended to have the outcome of making you seem in the right and the other person seeming the wrong. Giving way to the Nelson - Jones reality principle: "if you can't accept reality, create it!" Defensive lying differs from deliberate lying, in that you believe the distortions of reality entailed in your dishonesty.
Attacks, Avoidance,
inventing your anger, setting limits, Draw on other methods to drain
once anger, push for resolutions, Love, How to handle anger in
relationships etc, will come your way in the concluding part of
ANGER IN RELATIONSHIPS!!!!!!!!!!!
Watch out!!!!!!!!!!!
Watch out!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep smiling and try not to get angry
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