COURTSHIP (PART SIX)

CONCLUSION ON COURTSHIP:
 

Questions and answer continues......

4. I have been married for six years and when ever my husband gets angry, he always beats me and the kids. Few week ago our two years old son broke his radio mistakenly. When he came home from work, he beat the child and then beat me, then the child again I thought he was going to kill us both!

I have never been unfaithful to him, but he is always afraid that I will be. He is always furious each time he sees me speaking to a man, even a relative.

Many times, we disturb people's peace with our noise. He says he is not wrong to beat me, that am the one who is wrong to provoke him.. After he beat me, I always stay home for some days in order to hide my bruises..

I am a christian and I know you are going to tell me to be patient, but I'm so tired of being beaten. I don't know what to do.

Answer:- No, you can't be patient.
There are certain cases where you will be advice to be patient. Take action" patient does not usually change adulterer or Wife beater. But in many cases, action brings change.

Here are some steps of actions recommended :-

1. Report the case to your relatives or church. Don't hide your bruises. Stop keeping it secret, they are evidences.

2. If he beats you again, leave him and stay with relatives or his family members.

3. Don't go back to your husband too soon. It may take several weeks or months before he realizes that he needs to change.

This kind of action usually make a man stop and think, what kind of husband have I been? Am I going to lose my wife? Some husband are so stubborn that they refuses to change, no matter what action the wife takes. But, it is a fact that action succeeds more often than patience. The Bible says a painful experience helps a man to change his evil ways (proverb 20:30)

No matter what happen remember that your heavenly father is with you. Psalm 31 will encourage your heart.
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5. At what age should I tell my daughter about sex?

Answer:-
Don't wait too long. There are certain things you should tell her before she reaches the age of puberty. Puberty usually begins at the age of 9 and 12 for girls and between 11 and 14 for boys.

Therefore, before your daughter reaches age 10, be sure she understands the basic facts of sex.

Not that you should tell your daughter all the details of sex. She can learn those things just before she is married.
 
Before your daughter reaches age 10, talk with her very simple about sex. Explain how sex leads to pregnancy and that God's law should be obeyed.

(a) How young person body change during puberty.(Daughter should be taught about menstruation and boy about wet dream).

(b) Marriage,sex and pregnancy.(Keep it simple and brief).

(c) The facts is that at puberty all young people begin having sexual desires. They should not feel guilty about those desires.

(d) The importance of controlling sexual desires in order to avoid sex before marriage.

(e) The joy that comes from obeying God in the area of marriage and sex, and sorrow that comes from disobeying him.
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6. How the Lord save my marriage :-

It was nearly two years ago when I came home one day and found my husband in bed with a girl. I never thought he would do such a thing! He told me, "I shall love you, but I also love the girl". I could not stop crying! I was bitterly angry at him, and at her. 

Then, my anger changed directions and I became angry at myself. I hated myself. I kept thinking, this is all my fault. I've been a horrible wife. I have never been sexy enough and have not been treating him nicely. So I changed. I did everything I could to make him happy, yet he continued his affair with the girl.

Daily I was asking God to show me what to do and after several weeks I felt that I had been patient long enough. I felt it was time to do some thing.

Later that day I had a chance to speak with my pastor, and I told him the situation. He said I must stop feeling that its my fault. He advised me to let my husband know that he must choose either me or the girl.

And he said I should not beg my husband to choose me. He said a man looks down on a woman who begs for love. I could not say such a thing to my husband's face because I was afraid he would choose the girl. So I wrote him a letter.

Here is what I wrote.

During the years of our marriage, I have loved you and I still love you now. On our wedding day you promised to be faithful to me until death. But now you say you love both me and the other girl.

What I must say is this: I cannot be just one of your lovers. We must be faithful to each other as you promised, or we must separate. I admit that I have not been a perfect wife, but I have been sexually faithful. It won't work for you to continue sleeping with me and her. I'd rather stay alone. 

If you choose the girl I will feel hurt because I love you dearly. Yet I know I can't force you to remain my husband. If you choose her my life won't be easy, but I will still trust in God to care for me. I won't judge you, but you should remember that, some day you will be judge for all your choices.

I'm happy to tell you that my husband choose to leave the girl. Later he thanked me for every thing I wrote in that letter. 

Now our marriage is good again.
It was very hard for me to forgive him, but God really helped me.
Now, when I looked back, I wonder: why did I think it was my fault when my husband was unfaithful? Why is it so common for a wife to blame herself for her husband's sin?

Answer:-

Thanks for sharing your story, yes it is very common for a wife to blame herself for her husband's sin.

When a husband start having sex with another woman, usually his wife feel guilty for not been a better wife. And when a wife commit adultery, the husband usually tells himself, there must be some thing wrong with me.
The Bible says, "Do not commit adultery". A man who is unfaithful need to wake up and realize he is spoiling the life of others in his family. 

Your letter did a good job of waking him up. You took a chance by making him choose. Congratulations on your Victory.
Keep it up, keep praying and loving himmmmmmmm!!!

Written by:

Remi Badmus (MRS.) 

GIT9ja Relationship Expert/Counsel